The Lonely Truth: Why Adult Friendships Are SO Difficult

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As a child, making friends seemed like a piece of cake. Everyone your age was practically your best friend. But, why is it so much harder as an adult? Why is it so difficult to maintain female friendships?

When I was in school, I dreamt of having the most fabulous life by the time I was 20 - glamorous outfits, perfect friends, and a gorgeous apartment. But, where are they all? Obviously, the glamorous outfits and the gorgeous apartment were a bit far-fetched, but where are my strong female friendships? Why haven't I found my perfect friends?

During my freshers' week at university, I was placed in a student flat with three other girls: two exchange students who were five years older than me and a 17-year-old medical student. Living with two women in their mid-twenties and someone not even old enough to drink wasn't ideal - especially as a fresher with no friends. To make things worse, my halls turned out to be the quiet halls, not great for someone who had just moved across the country without knowing anyone else in the city. Let's just say my first few weeks at university were far from what I'd imagined After a while, I met a girl at the student union, and we instantly clicked! We started going out for coffee, and soon enough, I became friends with her friends. Finally, I thought I'd found my people. Or so I thought.

The friendships I had during my first year were chaotic - quite toxic, to say the least. At the end of the year, four of us from the friend group decided to share a flat. At first, I loved the flat, but the dynamic soon changed. Three of my flatmates began bullying the fourth, and before long, I realized they were doing the same to me. It got worse as the year went on, but I ignored it, telling myself it would be over soon. The worst part of the bullying happened after I moved out. It felt like they wanted to make me feel rubbish one last time. I ended up deleting all my social media and having a breakdown during a family holiday. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if wed still be friends if we hadn't lived together. But honestly, I think I outgrew those friendships, and cutting ties was the best thing for my mental health. Now, I genuinely hope they're happy, but I know I'm much happier without them. These days, my closest friends are my work friends, but I can't help wondering: Are these true friendships? Or will they disappear if I leave my job?

Even though I have healthier relationships now, I still don't feel like I've found "my people" ", and I'm not sure when or if I ever will. But, why is this normal for so many women? Why do we crave a solid friend group?

We crave that because the media has convinced us it's the norm. TV shows like Friends, Sex and the City, and Desperate Housewives revolve around strong female friendships. I grew up longing for a bond like Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte's and honestly, I still do. But I've realized that as long as I have a healthy relationship with myself, that's the only strong female friendship I truly need. So, will I ever find my people?

Yeah, one day. But that's just one more thing to look forward to.